Hey Party People,
You know what they say when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me. Well, let’s not do that.
We often take what people do and what people say so personally. So and so didn’t accept my invite, or they didn’t respond to my text. 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. But we internalize it and we think we did something wrong, we’re not likeable, or that someone is mad at us. And most of the time that’s just not true.
We can never be certain about what is going on in other people’s lives or what they might be struggling with. So many of us put on a brave face or act like it’s all good when in reality we are broken inside. We spend our time trying to mask our feelings or our hurt instead of showing that we’re not ok. You don’t have to share with the world that you’re not ok, but those closest to you are a good start. Or maybe just say you’re going through something in your personal life. Many people are too shy to pry or they might offer an ear to listen or other support. You can choose to take that support or not, but at least you’ve shared that something is up, something isn’t ok/
When you begin to judge someone else or take something they did personally, take an extra minute to think about what that person might be going through. We can’t assume based on appearances alone because we are all so damn good at hiding behind our masks.
I’m in a deeply personal dilemma right now, one that is reaching into the depths of my soul. A fork in the road where I need to make a rather large decision. Someone asked me, how do you normally make big decisions and I had to think about it. My first thought was I dunno I just make them. Which in some ways is true, but there is a lot more that goes into it. Obviously. For me, I withdraw and not in a bad way. I retreat into myself to look for the answers before seeking the advice of others. I’ve learned that I can be highly influenced by other people’s thoughts and opinions and if I need to make a decision that is going to impact MY life in a big way, I need to make sure I am making the decision, not someone else.
Why does this matter? It matters because I’ve been skipping out on time with friends, I’ve cancelled plans I made weeks ago, I’ve escaped reality and ran away to the mountains alone. I don’t have the energy to wear my mask for long periods or lots of people and I’m not ready to share what I’m going through. So you see it’s not personal that I’m not around, it's just me taking the time I need to process my feelings. I don’t think enough of us do that for us. We feel obligated to stick to the plans we make or to show up when we are dying inside when really we just need to stay in bed. Stay in bed if you need to! Cancel those meetings for the day. Do something for yourself. It’s hard. I struggled too with obligations and showing up in times of duress. Sometimes I think it’ll help to be around people. Sometimes it does, other times it doesn’t but if we could start consciously choosing what we need in times of struggle maybe we would actually deal with our struggles instead of burying them. Hmmm, there’s some food for thought.
I even debated if I would put up a post up this week. All week I kept saying I have to write my post. Then I gave myself permission and said you know what, no you don’t. Then today I actually wanted to write. I wanted to show up which is way better than feeling like I had to. Give yourself that same grace and same permission to make the choices that feel best for you and are not forced based on external obligation.
Don’t assume you know what everyone else is going through. Don’t take their actions, or words so personally, it’s usually a them issue and not a you issue. And lastly, take care of yourself in times of need. You deserve it and are worthy of it.
Here’s your party jam for the week! Let’s get some summertime feels going.
P.S. Happy Summer!