Hey Party People,
For those of you who have followed along this past year, you’ll know that I’ve been on a bit of a journey. Quitting my job at the end of February was a major step towards finding a new purpose, my purpose.
I was elated and overjoyed to be free and to have time and energy to do whatever it was I wanted. Before leaving I felt very weighed down and had no energy for, well life. I worked and that was all I had in me. When I left it felt like I could fly, my clipped wings were restored, and I could go anywhere.
The first two weeks I leaned into anything that felt good. Food, sleep, writing. And I LOVED every minute of it. I was also flooded with ideas and inspiration and a wanting to do ALL THE THINGS. This also was accompanied by new spurts of anxiety – with all these newfound ideas where was I going to start!? I was able to flip these feelings from anxiousness to excitement. I made a huge leap into the unknown and was going to embrace that wholeheartedly, and I did.
Well, I think the honeymoon stage is starting to subside and I’m being confronted with my next challenge. I am still that girl who likes to know where she’s going and what the plan is. But …I don’t have a plan and as ideas and opportunities continue to come into my life, I don’t know which ones are right for me. I don’t know which ones I’m “supposed” to jump into or say yes to. My ideas, other’s ideas, social justice needs, volunteering, writing, apply to new job postings. What is the “right” next step?
I know the easy route would be to just get another job. And please don’t roll your eyes at me for saying that. I acknowledge my privileged position that finding another job presents itself as an easy endeavour for me, but I’m just being honest. My challenge is that I don’t want just another job. I quit a job that gave me everything I needed… on paper. If that’s all I needed to feel fulfilled I would have stayed there. I want more though. I want purpose. Tue meaningful, soulful purpose.
I was chatting to a friend the other day about a new opportunity that had come up for me, one that I wasn’t sure about. I didn’t know if it aligned with where I was right now. Her suggestion to me was to take on the new role for now and continue to look for something else. The problem for me is that I’m not viewing my next opportunity as just a job. It's going to be, no it has to be deeper than that. If I commit to a new role, of any kind, I want to feel connected to it in a deeper way.
This approach is different than what most people would do and it’s hard to articulate my deeper desire for meaning and purpose. Other’s beliefs continue to view a job, as just that, a job but I want more than that.
Ok, enough of my inner monologue. The moral of the story is that choosing the direction in which your heart pulls you, isn’t easy. And it sure as hell isn’t clear. There is no guidebook, you’ll be figuring it out as you go and creating your own map.
Few people choose to follow their heart or choose to live into their purpose, but instead, they choose the clear path. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with that path. It’s not quite as lonely, there’s more certainty, and people rarely question you.
The path to purpose is full of uncertainty, big existential questions and it's often quite lonely. So why TF would I, would you, choose this? Because the pay-off is immeasurable. The rewards of fulfillment and joy are incomparable because you chose yourself. Choosing you will always be worth it, no matter how hard each baby step might feel.
I don’t know where I’ll end up but when I chose myself I started on a new trajectory and I guess I’m building my own road map now (eeek, no GPS?!) Maybe my courage will inspire you to explore that calling on your heart so you too can choose yourself. I believe in you, even if you don’t just yet.
Here’s a wicked hype jam. I had this jam on repeat on a run last week and it got me going!
Spaceman - Fitz and the Tantrums(Spotify)
Spaceman - Fitz and the Tantrums (Youtube)