Hey Party People,
At the time of writing this, I was feeling pretty swirly. No, I don’t mean the act where you dunk someone’s head in the toilet in middle school Haha. My swirly feels were tied to a revolving door of the same thoughts and questions that kept on spinning. I didn’t feel particularly attached to one thought or another but I also didn’t have concrete answers either.
I’m sure many of you have gone through times where you feel like you’re floating or drifting along unattached to anything. This can be both unsettling and wonderful at the same time. When we are detached from outcomes and our to do lists we are free. But it can feel unsettling as well when we’re not focused on something. It’s not common or encouraged to float through our days or to let go. Instead, we’re taught to keep hustling and to set goals, and get shit done.
Amidst my swirly feelings and over the past couple of weeks I’ve been trying to give myself permission to DO LESS. I’ve had many people try and teach me this lesson and I’ve resisted it each and every time. I still resist it! I feel like I have to be doing things to be productive and that I should be doing all the things or I feel guilty – but why? Honestly, I don’t have time to get into THAT right now but what I want to share is how hard it is to slow down and do less. Our constant need to be busy can weigh on us and prevents us from enjoying the present. For me maybe its my way of proving my existence, by being busy it means I am relevant and deemed important? I don’t know there might be some nuances to that but what I remind myself is that I am relevant and important no matter what. Just by opening my eyes each morning, I have an impact on the world and so do you. Our existence itself is profound and impactful.
For me, COVID was a big helper in getting me to do less early on because it wiped my calendar clean. Over the past year, I have done a massive overhaul of what I’m involved in and started to ask better questions. Why am I doing this? Do I enjoy it? Does it fill ME up? Am I doing it because I feel like I “should”? The answers to these questions are key and have been super helpful. But despite this new perspective I STILL take on things that aren’t in alignment for me – it’s all a work in progress and I’m still learning. I encourage you to take a look at your calendar, your to-do list, and all the things you have going on and ask these same questions. How many of those things give you the Hell Yes feeling or bring you fulfilment? You’ll probably be surprised at how few do….
Back to the swirly feels. Recently I’ve been feeling more anxious or angsty in this floating and swirly space. I was drifting along waiting for the wind to carry me in a new direction and doing my best to remain patient…. But I’m an impatient woman so it hasn’t been going well! I mean c’mon Universe, where am I going!?
Around the same time, these feelings started happening I became intentional about adding meditation to my daily routine. I wanted to work on strengthening my mental muscles and gain meditation as a real tool that I could lean on. The goal, 60 days of meditation. We’re on day 12 or so when this will land in your inbox and I’ve hit maybe 9 out of those 12 days – its about progress not perfection.
I wanted to share one specific experience with you this week. One morning during my meditation I started to feel a heaviness on my heart and an emotional wave came over me. It was strange because I hadn’t consciously been feeling this way, but I had been lacking direction as I said before. My emotions bubbled up and some tears fell. Our emotions are our guides and my body, mind, and soul were trying to tell me something. This was something I needed to dig back into.
Later that same morning I sat down with some of my crystal babies for a more intuitive meditation, asking for guidance in that moment. Regardless of what you believe there are messages and messengers all around us, we just need to pay attention and sometimes ask for them to show up.
So I asked, what is my soul craving to hear?
What I received back was a beautiful reminder to stop worrying about who I was and to focus on who I am now, in the present and to live into who I was born to be. I am the only Sara Stepa, just like you are the only version of you. It is a beautiful thing, the unique position we each hold in this world. We can get caught up in showing up for other people and trying to be what we think they want us to be. This was a reminder I needed, to be who I was in the present and release the grip on who I was in the past.
I was reminded that it was ok to let go of past versions of myself that no longer served me. Those versions of me would always be with me and continue to be apart of who I am. I could love them and cherish them because they helped lead me to the version I am now. Who I am today though, at THIS moment, is someone I have never been before, and that’s pretty special.
I was, and still am afraid to let go of the past versions of who I was and I still cling to identities I fostered over the years. We all have endless versions of who we once were, but as we grow, learn and change, we have an opportunity to be reborn. We have an opportunity to choose who we want to be each and every day and in each and every moment. I can tell you that letting go of these past versions of ourselves is scary. I was scared… I am scared.
In the final moments of this mediation and journal exercise I received some comfort in my fear as a final message came through to me.
I asked, “What is my soul craving to hear?”
“Stop worrying about who you were and focus on who you are now, in the present and live into who you were born to be.”
I thought, “But I’m scared.”
The response, “You’re supposed to be.”
If we’re not just a little scared of where our life is taking us, are we even really living? Life is supposed to be an adventure - A wild, messy, and crazy experience. You only live once, so together lets try to let go of the past versions of ourself that no longer serve up. Let’s embrace who we were with loving arms, and then let it go. Then we can step into who we are in this moment and look forward to we you want to become. Remember I’m scared too, we’re supposed to be. Start sharing your gifts with the world and start shining. And as always I believe in you, even if you don’t just yet.
Here’s your party jam for the week!
P.S. If I could ask a small favour of you. If you liked this post or any other previous post please share it with someone who you think might enjoy it as well. We all need something to spark a new way of thinking and maybe this is it. My wish is to reach more people and help them learn more about themselves and who they are meant to be. There are three little dots at the top of this post where you can easily share on your social channels as well!